Hayden Panettiere reflects on ‘brutal’ child star experience: ‘I’ve been groomed’

Hayden Panettiere is reflecting connected nan darker broadside of increasing up successful Hollywood.

The “Nashville” alum, 36, sewage candid astir her “brutal” acquisition arsenic a kid prima during a sheet chat Tuesday nighttime successful West Hollywood, California, for her caller memoir, “This Is Me: A Reckoning.”

“I had my first personality crisis,” Panettiere shared. “I retrieve precisely wherever I was, opinionated successful my chamber astatine 12 years old.”

The Golden Globe nominee — who began appearing successful commercials arsenic an babe earlier landing roles connected soap operas “One Life to Live” successful 1994 and “Guiding Light” successful 1996 — explained that she spent overmuch of her puerility either “playing characters” aliases sitting successful audition rooms.

“It’s nan astir sadistic experience, for illustration nan stark acold room, and conscionable this statement of group judging you,” she said.

Panettiere recalled really things shifted erstwhile producers realized she could outcry connected bid while moving connected “Guiding Light.”

“I’ll ne'er hide it,” she said. “Once they figured that out, it was conscionable like, I ne'er stopped crying.”

“You spell done life experiences, and nan imagery, you past person to spell to places that you bring yourself are truthful acheronian and truthful ugly,” she continued. “And you’re sitting there, past afterwards, getting praise and emotion for it. You’re going, ‘Oh my God, erstwhile I consciousness pain, I get love.’”

Panettiere admitted, “I wasn’t checking successful pinch myself. I’m a perfectionist. Like, I’ve been groomed. I’m truthful militant because, I’ve been groomed from specified a young property that you don’t inquire questions.”

“Someone says, ‘you guidelines connected nan mark, you get your lines right, I inquire you to propulsion yourself successful a building successful nan mediate of nan nighttime successful nan pouring rain’ complete and complete and complete again. These crazy stunts. You’re like, ‘Cool, yeah, sure. No problem, nary problem.’ Again, again, again, again, again, and, and I conscionable sewage to an property wherever I was conscionable truthful affectional and truthful upset each nan clip that I was trying thing to make it okay.”

The “Heroes” alum said she was alert astatine a very young property that the affectional toll would yet “come retired sideways” successful adulthood.

“I’m playing each these characters and I consciousness for illustration they’re genuine and they’re a portion of me, but who americium I extracurricular of this?” she recalled wondering astatine nan time. “What is my identity?”

Panel moderator and “True Detective” character Alyshia Ochse later asked Panettiere whether she ever learned really to emotionally retrieve aft being perpetually praised for instantly accessing vulnerability arsenic a kid actor.

“Well, obviously, it wasn’t, it was not good. It was not healthy,” Panettiere responded.

The character said 1 of nan hardest realities of moving successful tv astatine a young property was committing years of her life to projects she hardly understood.

“When you motion onto a project, you were signing six years of your life distant based connected 1 script,” she said. “So you really don’t cognize what you’re up for.”

“I didn’t recognize really overmuch it was affecting maine until I conscionable became truthful resentful and disfigured and upset, and past erstwhile I went home, I could not get myself retired of for illustration a area of nan bed, for illustration nan furniture became my safe nook.”

Panettiere has been candid successful caller years astir her struggles pinch addiction, postpartum slump and increasing up successful nan spotlight arsenic a kid actor. Her caller memoir, “This Is Me: A Reckoning,” deed stands May 19 and chronicles galore of those experiences successful greater detail.